Inspiration or Inconvenience

This is what I would have heard if I had gone to my senior award night: “,,,and the award for most inspiring student goes to Drew!” I learned that I won from a text my mom got from her friend congratulating me. I wasn’t a great student in high school and I obviously wasn’t a star athlete so I didn’t feel the need to attend. Apparently, my absence caused a very awkward moment when they called me up to the stage. I enjoy picturing everyone applauding and looking for me. Later I wondered what the award even meant. What did I inspire people to do? What were they trying to prove by giving it to me? 

Later that week we had a practice graduation. When I rolled up alongside my peers I couldn’t quite match their speed. I would either go too quickly or too slow. So, it was decided that I would go to graduation in my manual. I understand why they wanted it this way and I didn’t want the whole thing to be about me. However, I felt like I was more of an inconvenience than an inspiration. 

If people want to call me their inspiration, then learn about everything I go through. Actually try to understand me as a person, not as a symbol. Hold my hand when times are hard, and celebrate my victories with me. Only then, after you have truly seen my strength, you can decide whether or not I inspire you. 

When someone is disabled, they are either put on a high pedestal or simply dismissed as a problem. Neither are healthy places to be. I have been in both. Sometimes I felt like the town's freak show and other times I felt paraded around to show how accepting they were. People wanted to put me in a box that they created for me. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want a neat, linear experience. I want my own world which I manifested. It is messy and contradictory but it’s also full of beauty and genuine sweetness. If it happens to ruin people’s plan for me I will have a marvelous time reveling in their fallen expectations.